Kurama is Scary, Right?
by induviduality-has-a-name-me
Summary: Her life has been placed into someone else's hands, and she's scared of him. Okay more like petrified of him, but maybe she can learn not to be scared. That is a doubtful one though, and even if she could get over her fear it would still linger a doubt in her mind at all times, right? Rating is subject to change, but not for naughty reasons.
1. Reason for Fear The Arrival

Chapter Of Beginnings  
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For some reason, I feel like I have to put a disclaimer. Even though this is going to be posted on a fanfiction site. Isn't that a bit redundant? If I have any, surely my readers would know better than to think that I am somehow Yoshihiro Togashi? I hate doing disclaimers, they honestly make me feel like I am somehow catering to something overdone; when common sense would dictate that I am not the real owner of the manga. If I were the owner I'd be making more of that manga, and not writing this on a fanfiction site.

Enough of my ranting though we want to get to the story right? Well that was a bit presumptuous of me, how do I even know you want to read this?

First though a warning, this character is not very trust worthy in her self views. If she contradicts her actions with her views that is me as an author portraying her true inner self behind the walls she's built to protect her. Sometimes it will not make sense at first, rest assured there are reasons for your confusion, and it lies in releasing the masks worn to protect us from others. I write, but not just to tell the story. My point is to have you be absorbed in the interactions and feelings within the story not just the details. If I haven't done that by the end of this chapter then I have failed in my purpose.

There will be a point where she is talking through a clipboard that is written _**like this**. _Other than that, nothing.

* * *

So I guess the way my life went downhill for me was pretty extraordinary, but I can't help but feel like this was bad karma balancing itself out. I wasn't exactly a good child, or teen, and by any means my adult life hasn't been much better so far. I mean it must be bad luck because I like Yu Yu Hakusho, but I have no wish to be anywhere near Kurama. For those of you who don't know, Kurama is scary. I'm not just talking steer clear of him as that could be worse. I mean if you value your life, you do everything you can to not make him suspect you of anything. Just because he can't kill you, doesn't mean he can't hurt you. Oh boy no. He could literally torture, and heal you repeatedly; until he either exhausts himself or you talk.I know which is more likely to happen first, and here's a hint; Kurama isn't weak and I am.

Let us get one thing clear I am a depressed realist, anxious mother, messy, clumsy, generally unlucky,weakling, loud doormat (basically I go to defend myself and give up), obsessed with my hair and tooth hygiene, feel untalented, insomniac, idiot, overly concerned with others at times, and a drifting tumbleweed with no firm goals in life. I'm a female although that would be obvious by now certainly and if not it is now.

I'm short, stocky, and from my knees to my waist contain more fat than necessary to survive or reproduce, but not enough to make doctors pushy about it. I'm a bit slow at physically demanding tasks, and I have the upper body strength of an average twelve-year-old girl. A bit busty in part due to having a child and genetics, and they kill my whole back at times; but hey it's something society considers attractive so I'm not going to complain too much. My hair is shoulder length, a plain brown, with an out grown cut look to it. My eyes are a brownish green leaning closer to the browns with just enough green to leave you guessing if you truly saw any green at all. I have a terrible complexion with acne scars, and uneven skin color that I don't bother to hide. Mainly because, any make up makes my skin break out in only two to four hours depending on what it is made of.

That's enough about me let's get to the incident, that's what you're likely more interested in right?

It basically happened like this. One moment I was lying down with my son to help him take his nap, and the next thing that happens we're caught up in this swirling vortex of green, black, blue, and brown light. I held on as tight as I could to Xander knowing if I didn't we'd get separated, or worse yet if I lost my grip, should we wind up somewhere dangerous, and if I couldn't protect him I knew I'd regret it the rest of my days.

So as I felt a dizzying sensation that I'd pass out from normally, I closed my eyes and fought it off. Sheer will power and the desire to protect, the only things keeping me conscious were these; it wasn't very surprising that my little guy had already lost touch with the world around him. For that small kindness I was glad. Him not being awake to feel the long stabbing of just pure agony tearing away at my insides, or the crashing into concrete that came soon after made me feel somewhat relieved. On the plus side, since I had landed on my back he wasn't harmed. I couldn't help it then, and filled with such a numbing agony, my mind went black as the world faded around me.

Curse my weakness, if I had only been a bit stronger maybe I could have gotten away from there.

I could hear beeping, and the whooshing of a machine as I stirred. The air was biting, with it came an ammonia tinge that made my nostrils flare and contract with distaste at each breath until I became used to it. Hospital, or something was what rushed to my mind, and my next thought; ashamed it wasn't my first one was on my son's well-being. I faded with him in my arms, and now fear set in with him no longer in my hold.

I snapped my eyes open to a dim room small in size. Looking around I couldn't see him anywhere, but then again he could be below my current field of vision so I tried lifting my head. He's not there, so I rested my head back down it had hurt to check. As I glance around I notice a button within my reach. If anyone hasn't been to a hospital some explanation: there's usually a button for the patient to press, if they need anything, and seeing as I was in a hospital bed... it made sense to press it so I could get some answers. Taking a deep breath I prepared myself mentally for the coming chaos, but I could never have expected what came after. I pressed the button.

Instead of a dizzying amount of people, or just a couple of nurses I was face to face with my worst fear and I wasn't prepared for this. Kurama, aka Shuichi Minamino, or Yoko. I'm aware that most female fans of Yu Yu Hakusho would enjoy an encounter with such a person, but I could only feel an intense apprehension building. My chest tightened with my growing fear, my brain spun to catch up and swim out of my fear. I knew if I took much longer to respond he'd see me as a threat, and that was not a good spot to be in. I made a croaking sound like a frog as I tried to speak, and in my embarrassment at looking like a moron in front of him I flushed. I looked around for a glass of something, anything, to drink. Seeming more at ease with me, he brought me something that stank strongly of something foul. I glared at him returning the drink to him. He seemed angry and surprised, but I won't venture into why. I don't blame him, but did he honestly think I was stupid or naïve enough to take something that smelled so bad and from a stranger no less? Thinking quickly, and after spotting a clip board I had an idea. Pointing at it so he'd get my idea too, he imparted a quizzical look before bringing me the pad; a pen that wasn't too far from it was also provided to me.

Looking at the hospital documents briefly I turned them over to blank backsides. Looking up to the ceiling for guidance or something, I mustered my courage. If I were to write human it'd be beyond dangerous and he probably already could guess that, but I figured it wouldn't hurt if I found out if he understood my language, and knowing him he will. Appearances and politeness are important when confronting someone you don't want to be on the wrong side of it was with this in mind when I started to write on the pad,_** English?**_ I turned it to him so he could see it, and he nodded giving a forced looking smile as if he could tell I was uneasy. I nodded and thought to explain my actions, _**I'm sorry it smelled wrong, and coming from a stranger in a strange place can you blame me? I don't think you'd drink it either if you were me.**_ To this I also got a nod, but a strange look almost of being scanned comes to mind. I gave him a pointed look while writing my foremost concern. _**Where is my son?**_

Now it is important to note that Kurama certainly understands maternal affection and protectiveness; it was his own mother who taught him such things after all. However, we can't forget his desire to protect her overrides sympathy for others where he's concerned. "We'll deal with that later. I'd like to discuss with you your purpose here, and how you got here." While getting angry is ill-advised in a dangerous situation, I could not help myself in this instance. What mother wouldn't be angry?_** My son is more important to me than your petty, and unfounded concerns. I'm in a hospital bed, and if you honestly think I'm a threat; I can assure you, using my child as a pawn to get your answers is contrary to that end don't you think? Now, where is my son?**_ I turned it to him and he seemed to pale as if realizing I would be uncooperative until I was answered.

"He's safe with friends of mine and if you'd be so kind as to answer my questions we can get him back to you shortly." He had started to run his left hand through his hair and I did my best not to flinch.

It was the fear that drove me further to fear for my young one. I didn't really know if he was alright, but I know they aren't likely to hurt a child. It was more likely that I was in the real danger, but if I didn't keep cool... _**So he's safe for now, but you're basically using him as a hostage to get me talking am I right? You would hurt him if I didn't answer wouldn't you?**_

His eyes flashed in anger as he said, "I'm the one asking you the questions, and if you do care about your child; you will answer my questions now. As to his safety, you are the one making the choices not me." He meant every word, and that was probably the worst torture to endure is the thought of someone you care for harmed due to your own actions.

I was stunned. In my fear I shook though I tried to hide it as a shiver. Realizing there would be no way around it, I nodded and looked down at my clip board trying to think of what I could say that would appease him enough to let us be. Once I decided on how to word it I wrote albeit shakily. _**I don't have any purpose here other than for my son's well-being. As to how I got here I'm not really entirely sure myself, but it was some kind of swirly energy tunnel or something that sucked me and him up landing us hard on the ground. I was putting him down for his nap when we were swallowed up by the colorful and painful thing. So pardon my concern for my son's health, when last I saw of him he wasn't even conscious!**_

I was livid, terrified, and disparaged. He had no reason to be concerned by me, if anything the opposite was true. As he was holding my child as his personal trump card, he had me in the palm of his hand, and he most definitely knows that. So why? Now that I thought about it, he was acting rather harshly, and this made me even more worried.**_ You, there's something bothering you or rather you don't seem like the type for this sort of thing without a good reason, you'd have less wrinkles in your forehead if you weren't concerned. Spill I can tell something's wrong, and hiding it from me won't help anyone if I'm at the center of it especially._**

There was a shift in the air the room felt heavier than before and I could barely breathe. "You do not need to know, and I doubt you would want to." I was so angry now, forget struggling to breathe I needed water. Forget writing stuff for him, I wanted to yell at him so badly it was hard to suppress my arms shaking with rage. I rarely get angry you see, and this is one of those times. Why am I angry? Simple he just acted nonchalant towards my concerns even going so far as to call them needless.

_**Water?**_ I forced a smile and it felt like I'd swallowed a sweet poison, hiding my intention to make the room shake with my voice behind feigned sweetness.

He glared at me, and gave me the requested item after digging around behind an armoire that obscured part of the room. It would seem he'd seen through my act. His eyes were so hard as if he was daring me to try something stupid. After I chugged the glass in one go, trying to think of how to word what I wanted to say since I'd need to control myself; and sighed I turned my attention to him the water pushed my anger away some from the feeling of relief it provided.

There was a smirk on my face to cover my fear and said with as menacing of a tone as I could manage with my still slightly squeaky dehydrated voice, "You know what I think about how you're using my son? If I was a violent idiotic person, I would have punched you already for it. You're lucky; I'm neither, but you're tempting me to become one. Since you're obviously gathering information, for someone else who's clearly in charge or something, I want you to tell them something. I don't like dealing with middle men, and if he has something to say he can come down here and say it to me himself!"

After I finished talking and yelling at the end I was panting but glaring with a satisfied smirk I'd wanted to let my frustrations out. Once I had, I felt almost unafraid of him. Almost isn't quite enough I fear. You know what he did then? He laughed at me. He laughed so hard I thought I was going to have to call a nurse, again. On another note, where are the nurses and such at? Giving him a weird look, "What's so funny?" My fear was returning and there was a stinging where his laughter rang in my head.

"I can't believe you just called me a middle man." He pauses to laugh more, "I suppose I am, but you just reminded me of a friend of mine is all." In disbelief I just froze up for a moment, and wondered if he was really serious?

Taking a deep breath made me feel a small bit better but something was still troubling me. "Look I just want my son, and there's no reason for him being kept from me. I don't have any answers other than what I've already told you. I'm just as confused, if not then more so than you are." There was a loud pop, and I turned towards the sound.

Great speak of him, and he just shows up but at least he has my son with him. On that note I tried to get out of the bed, and while I succeeded I also failed in staying on my feet. The cold tiles stung my knees, but that didn't matter to me; nothing else did either, as I scooped up my little boy. It didn't bother me that I was in a hospital gown in front of two men, and I didn't care who was there to see my crying as I held my little one tight. No matter what happened to me, I knew as long as he was safe I'd toil to keep it that way. I expected him to start squirming a little, as he didn't much like being held for longer than a couple of minutes at most; I was very surprised when he didn't squirm but snuggled into my shoulder as if I had been gone for ages. I looked up at the two men realizing that I was showing more back skin than I would have liked but I held onto Xander just the same. I just happened to have a tomato for a face now is all.

"Muh s'hay" That's my little guy by the way, this just caused more hugs and less caring for the world around us. We were brought back to our surroundings when Koenma chose to speak up.

"Okay miss not to delay you any further, but if you would share where you were from; we can probably send you back there quickly." I looked up at him from the floor and a thought crossed my mind and I looked over at Kurama with a hidden pained expression. Looking back and forth between the two I soon grew panicked realizing this could be a trap.

"It is possible that she either doesn't wish to tell us, or has no wish to return." His eyes narrowed as I was sure he was analyzing me looking for some sign of deceit or such. I looked down and weighed my options. I could return with my son and not get involved in any of this mess, or I could look at this as a new chance at getting my life on track. As much as Kurama scared me I was more afraid of another one who'd no doubt have been home by now to notice my absence. If I went back it would surely cost me greatly.

"Do I have to go back?" I looked back up at Koenma feeling emptier than I had felt in a long while. Hanging my head ashamed to even look these people in the eyes; if they knew my life it is likely they'd feel sorry for me, but I didn't want their pity. I had always dreamed of being sent into this world, but I had never felt it would happen. Now that it was right in front of me I could opt out by leaving, and not getting involved, and I could run scared like the little girl I had once been. I wasn't sure how I felt about all the things that had happened to me thus far, but considering my alternative was arguably worse if any considerable amount of time had passed; I couldn't find a good reason to return other than out of fear. I don't want to be afraid anymore, and this place is a fresh start if I could take it. If I could.

"Surely your son will miss his father?" Kurama added in and whether he saw me flinch or not is anybody's guess, but my money is on him noticing it.

"Yes, he probably would." My eyes grew blurred as I fought against myself. There it was, my only reason to return stated clear as day with nothing to blunt the slicing truth in his words. I wanted to be selfish and abandon my ties to my world, but I couldn't entirely out of sheer guilt.

"Then surely...", but before Koenma could finish Kurama stopped him. He walked over to me and gently placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him a tight yet gentle grip on my son, as my eyes could barely make out what he looked like through the moisture clouding my eyes even as I fought against it.

"You don't have to return, and if you need help getting on your feet I think there are resources at your disposal here." As if by magic I could see clearly once more, but my face was now wet, and what a sight it was what with them practically towering over me with this vibe of safety and protection. Here it was just moments ago that I was at the bottom of Kurama's nice list, now here being comforted by him was confusing. I could talk about emotional whiplash now, and it would make sense somehow. I couldn't quite believe it, and I was doubting his intentions even though he did seem sincere. He is a fox and in literature of many cultures they are well known agents of deception.

"Either way my well-being is an issue in either place, but I could stay here?" I asked unsure of if any of this was really happening feeling caught in a daze as the pale tan wallpaper started to mirage. It wasn't much longer before I would collapse, and I could feel darkness already creeping in. "If I'm right, it's best that I not return my ties were cut long ago. That being only one reason..." ,it was at that moment where I faded out of awareness.

* * *

~Perspective Change~

"Kurama are you sure about this? We do not know where she came from, but we are certain it wasn't from Ningenkai. I was hoping she would tell me and we'd have a new lead." Koenma was as serious as they had been involving the Sensui incident, and if it weren't for the person he was talking to moving the now senseless girl, whose child was now crying in a high decibel; he'd be growing further anxious.

"She does seem a bit odd, and she didn't want to drink the tonic I'd handed her. Which wasn't harmful mind you just a simple tongue loosening concoction. However, she does seem to genuinely care for her child. You should have seen it, if I hadn't for myself I wouldn't have been so kind." Kurama said looking over at Koenma, just as the young man who judged the dead tried to calm the now hysterical toddler trying to wake his mom. Kurama started back up, "Besides it's always better to keep an eye on those you don't trust, and what better way to watch her than to keep her here?" Koenma's eyes lit up some as he could see the wheels turning in the eyes of the 'young' man before him.

"Do you mean what I think you mean?" Koenma whispered as if the girl could hear them or something.

"Yes. I suggest we observe her, and if she becomes a problem then we deal with it; if not we leave her be. Simple." Ending his statement Kurama held his index finger up as if it were an explanation by itself. By this time the little one had stopped crying and had decided to climb onto the bed with his mother. Seemingly content with his new spot he started to nod off but not before snuggling into her side.

"What of her safety?" Koenma knowing all too well how women associated with them could become the targets of their enemies. Kurama's eyes seemed to get marginally wider for a moment before returning to their normal shape regarding the girl once more. It was like wheels seeming to turn behind his eyes once more as if he had a new thought process and as quickly as it came it left.

"Koenma, it is highly probable she is already in danger. The way of arrival she described is much the same as an unauthorized portal." He sat down in one of the chairs to the left of the door and looked far away in thought.

"How did she describe it, if you care to share?" Koenma's eyes hard, as if any scrap of intelligence could make or break their hard to develop and delicate balance.

"Just colorful and painful, and we know the portals sanctioned by demon and spirit world are red and blue respectively. So that rules out any legitimate involvement, and it is likely a crude portal if it caused pain. Oh, and the hospital took the liberty to scan her back and one of her vertebrae has a chip in it from the looks of her X-rays." The glint in Kurama's eyes was hardly imagined as you could feel what he was alluding to transferring through the air into Koenma's consciousness and you could literally see it dawn on him as if he was blown back by the force of it.

"So we've got a rogue to deal with?" Koenma's expression now rivaled even the severity of what he'd felt with the Sensui incident it was as if he'd become a statue with how tight his countenance had become. This could become dicey if they were dealing with rogues set against the new way of things making a move at this time suggested planning.

"It may be worse I'm afraid, if she's not from Ningenkai..." Kurama paused to allow Koenma's explanation.

"No records on either of them, and with how young the child is you'd think we'd have some kind of information on him, but no. We have nothing!" Koenma had lost a bit of his composure; but it would certainly be understandable with the immense pressures on him, and now this? Even he has limits, but he regained his composure as he cleared his throat; an apologetic expression was directed now to Kurama who nodded understandingly.

"It seems we've overlooked a possibility." He paused giving time for it to sink into Koenma that what he was about to say is very unlikely. However with this group, unlikely is par for the course.

"Well?" Koenma's patience wearing just a bit thin, and plus he doesn't like guessing; he likes knowing. Kurama know this, and seems to take some delight in messing with him.

"Alternate human realm, and before you ask yes she's human." Koenma's eyes practically bugged out, this would be unprecedented. As there were no rules protecting humans from realms other than Ningenkai it only stood to reason what was going on. There were demons out there looking to get around the rules by finding another source of humans, and it seems like they have.

"Kurama you know what that means?" Koenma gulped hoping he was mistaken, he didn't want to deal with inter-dimensional deities if he could avoid it. Alas that would seem to be the only logical explanation to all of this, and worst of all it meant this girl was meant for one thing. Food. Her child would probably be considered a delicacy of some variety, and she the main meal. It was even more likely that she could also be forced into something worse than death and pain.

"Well in a way I do, and if this is what I think; then we may not have a choice in returning her for her own safety." Koenma nodded solemnly, and she'd seemed so hopeful at the prospect of staying somehow.

"There is one other human realm I know of, but I haven't been in contact with him in quite some time. He's a bit odd though has a habit of giving others a hard time just for laughs." Kurama seemed uneasy now as if somehow knowing who exactly Koenma was referencing.

"Not that world? He has a habit of informing his world's inhabitants of the other worlds imperceptibly, or so I've heard." He was pondering again that one, always thoughts running through his mind. It may be that right here a new piece of the puzzle finally showed itself, and he was the dutiful puzzle solver. He didn't like the implications of it, but it did seem a valid explanation to her actions from the very start onward.

"If it were his world involved I'd have heard from him by now if he knew." Koenma looked worried and uneasy but seemed fine other wise so clearly this deity wasn't the menacing type, but perhaps? What type was his type?

Poof!

In came one small bald old man with a cane and his bony body barely covered in a thin linen. "You lot talking 'bout me?!" with a lilt in his voice that bespoke amusement as he started to take in his surroundings. "Eh, I've seen better rooms. Anyway, to business why are my denizens in your company, hm?" He chortled with some unseen joke as if mystified by something intangible.

"Ah, so you were just waiting until we figured it out weren't you?" Koenma chuckled lightly, and Kurama looked just a bit perplexed. "You crotchety old fart, how have you been?" Koenma laughed with a new vigor as if relieved from a heavy burden. He seemed to look less like an adult now and more like a young teen.

"Ah, I've been well but you look like you've seen better days. Did your dad finally hand over the reigns?" The old man chuckled knowingly. "You know I was there when your father started all of this, and boy was he a character. At least he left his throne with grace, right?" This was followed by even more laughter by both. Kurama looked probably how he felt, and that would be like he was a bit out of place.

"Well I won't go into detail, but he was forced to pass the torch so to speak. Even had a bit of a scare in Reikai during the unstable times, where people were still thinking some kind of mistake had been made." Koenma shared although it is likely he didn't really have to.

"I see, but you'll tell me if you catch these scum snatching up my denizens? I'm leaving these two in your care, because I've seen the other result and it's not pretty. This way they'll escape that lowlife trickster, any-who I'll see you all later." With this the old man turned to walk away, but then laughed and said, "I see the Yoko is still in your services, don't you think he's served his time already?"

"Well that's just a formality really, but I guess I should get around to it. After all I did grant Hiei clemency." Koenma nodded towards Kurama to express this to him. "Well not that I want to get rid of you Kemant, but you've got a world to care for. Kurama, what of the girl when she wakes?" Taking note of the child curled up with his very young looking mother. The deity now known as Kemant nods and lifts his foot disappearing.

"If there is no one else who could stay, then it would seem I have nothing but to wait until either I am relieved or she wakens." Koenma nods at his response and turns to walk away disappearing in mid-step. Now it was just a matter of time, and there were so many problems going to arise, but it couldn't be helped in this case. He'd seen true fear in her eyes, and if he didn't know any better he'd say there was more to it than just the simple flat fear she'd tried to hide it as. He is a curious person this fox, he wanted answers, and he would wait for them. He finally figured out her odd behavior and he intended to call her out on it. For now though, he would let them sleep.

* * *

I'd like to take this time to ask what you (the reader) thinks about both my writing and the dynamics involved with the characters interactions. I'll probably get the next installment out between Monday and Wednesday of this coming week.


	2. Slow Progress

Continuation: What is Eternity?

There is a chance of despair and confusion?

Do I really have to say a disclaimer? That'd be tedious.

* * *

It's just a dream, right?

There's a vast road ahead of me? I'm in some kind of car going forward looking back in my rear view mirror constantly. Is this real? I'm in some kind of countryside with fields of all kinds of giant foods, going forward. I keep seeing his face in the rear view mirror, but he's not sitting behind me Xander's sitting there not him. Then suddenly it is as if he evaporates from the mirror, and I just know I will no longer have to see that man's face ever again. Xander's in a nice blue child car seat one that I could have never been able to afford on my own. I look all around, and there's no traffic with me; until suddenly this motorcycle goes flying past in the other lane. I watch it go by noticing startling red hair whipping around from under the helmet the rider briefly looks back at us. Then I realize I'm in the wrong lane, and that that must have been why I was even given a passing glance. There's a dump-truck coming at us head on. I scream flailing with the steering until it all goes black.

That's when I bolted awake into a sitting position.

Or was it something more this dream of mine?

I was covered in sweat despite being barely covered in a hospital gown, and I soon also realized that I was panting. Feeling a weight against my left side, I looked down to see Xander sleeping peacefully there. I breathed a soft sigh of relief, and that's when he chose to make his presence known to me. My eyes widen as his hair reminds me of my dream. I then know something is about to happen like in the dream. I look down at my son, his peaceful face calming me just enough for me to catch my wits.

"Why are you afraid of me?" He asked me this simple question, and it is one that has many faceted answers to it for me.

"You just scare me is all. I can't express why, I'm sorry." I looked down and wondered if he would take that to mean it the way I was hoping. In reality I couldn't fully express it out of the fear of him hurting me, and not because he's a demon but that I knew just exactly how he could mess me up, and if I didn't watch out... stopping that train of thought right now before I go off into all the possibilities.

"I see, is it that you don't know why I scare you?" He was studying my expressions carefully, even though I had my composure back since waking. I don't know if he could sense it but I felt guilty at that point. I had essentially obfuscated my answer into two answers that it could have been either or both. It was both, but he didn't know that; and knowing he was likely trying to figure it out made me feel bad.

I don't like lying, never have since childhood, but I've learned it can be necessary at certain times. I was also scared of him pointing it out to me. It's not hard to figure out with the right context, and it is possible he has already put some of the pieces together. That may have been enough for him to fully understand my fear and now he's just trying to confirm his suspicions. Taking a deep breath I battle it out inside, and I come to two conclusions as a result.

I have two choices lie or tell the truth. I can reveal what I know, or I can continue to hide the truth until it blows up in my face. I looked at my son and stroked his hair as I thought hard on the matter. "No", I said pausing to look up and gauge his reaction; it flashed before me briefly like lightning before being hidden behind a carefully constructed mask, "I know why you scare me, but I'm scared right now to tell you why." I looked back down at my son brushing the light brown hair out of his face his soft skin pale in the dim fluorescent lighting, "I'm scared to tell you why you scare me, because you scare me. I hope you can understand how difficult this is for me." I hear him move and I look back up at him to see him standing up now. I flinched my eyes closed, instinctively I shifted to better shield my son, as he heads my direction and he stops walking after seeing my response. He looks puzzled, I don't think he truly knew how much I feared him until now. I had dropped my fake courage from the day before and was now fully vulnerable to his opinion.

"You have no reason to fear me." I look back at him, shock making it difficult for me to fully contemplate his precise meaning. As if he'd sensed my confusion he clarified, "Unless you are my enemy, you will never be harmed by me." I was frozen, and felt like if I moved what he'd said would have never been uttered. My breath hitched as my eyes glazed over with disbelief.

I felt like I lost my center even as I spoke, "Would you still say that if you knew the true cause of my fears?" My mind clicked back into place once I looked back down slowly at my son, admiring the dim glow of the light on his flawless skin. I spoke softly stroking the exposed cheek of the small child, "I am not foolish enough to be an enemy of you or yours. My loyalties aren't going to be an issue. The only issue is how to go about resolving these things." I smile softly as Xander moves ever so slightly, with a small whine his innocence was even more prominent in sleep.

He seemed stunned when I looked at him, but once he realized I was looking at him his expression shifted. It was as if some kind of weight lifted from him, a sort of understanding was somehow achieved in that moment though I suspect something is going to bite me again, "How about introductions as a start? I could give you a few names but Minamino, Shuichi is the name I have here."

"Lapelta, Emily; but I prefer Millie." I look down at my son avoiding Kurama's gaze, "Is Minamino the name you prefer?", I paused then muttered under my breath, "I guess I could see why though, you have good reason to like it." At this he grabbed my chin and in a swift motion brought me eyes level with his own analyzing gaze as if he were peering into my soul. There was a long pause as I fought against my fear hoping he wasn't angry with me, but I was tired of tiptoeing around this subject and he had made it easier to bridge that gap with his 'introduction'. His eyes widened when I guess he figured out the reason for my weary expression tinged with fear. Either this made him reconsider his actions, or he fully understood now the true meaning behind my words up to now.

"You know." The tone was not accusatory; but a mixture of curiosity, concern, and something else I couldn't place. I nodded avoiding his gaze because of his now loosened hold on my chin, which he corrected for immediately then, and returning the uncomfortable eye contact. "You've been trying to say that this whole time haven't you?" I nod as best I could with a strong grip on my chin. He released my chin as he spoke, "Yet you avoided a direct statement until then, why?"

"I figured you would catch it honestly, and the direct approach usually gets me into large messes. For some reason though, I just didn't care about causing a mess for a change" I sighed looking down at the hospital tiles a sadness niggling its way up my chest.

"I had hoped I was mistaken before, but now I see; is this why you're scared of me? You fear what I am?" His eyes were hard, but there was also a hinting there of some sadness in his tones. I couldn't help the guilt rising up within my chest bubbling around my heart. If it were what he was that I was scared of alone it would be an easy to get over fear, but this was more complex. How could I relay to him exactly what it was that scared me about him? I shudder to think how he'd take this but he'd need to know eventually. Grasping onto that thought I let my mind follow the rabbit trail of it, and where it ultimately led to wasn't pretty.

"If it were just what you are it wouldn't be an issue." My shame like a badge on my chest clear to see, and even if I tried I couldn't have conveyed it better to him. "I don't fear what you are, but I fear how it has shaped you. You're someone who could do terrible things, if given the cause to." I felt it then, a tear I'd been fighting back slipped free and I turned to hide it. I quickly wiped it away hoping he didn't see. If I wasn't so bad at hiding things he wouldn't have noticed, but he must have seen it with his combat honed eyes.

"I don't want to be feared, just those who intend harm should be made to think twice. What could I say that you would believe?" He shakes his head a wry smile had taken root in his expression. He didn't say anything about my loss of eye fluids though, I'm guessing because he probably knew if I'd wanted to talk about that I wouldn't have tried to hide it.

"Somehow I can believe it. Just don't expect this fear to vanish from me instantly. Fear isn't logical after all as I'm sure you're aware. " I swear when next I looked at him his eyes looked so relieved, and dare I say it hopeful. This made no sense to me at all, what could possibly make him want me not to fear him so badly? There this sense of a mysterious air about the room.

That was until Xander woke of course.

"UhooMMmm MMm Shtay Ngnh No!" He was squirming all about the hospital bed, and nearly flew over the edge of it. Cue the mother instinct just before that, because I stopped him from falling. Oddly enough though it seemed I wasn't the only one to react. Fighting down my urge to become a tomato and blabber nonsensical word vomit at the embarrassment of it. I carefully rolled my son back onto the mattress. It was too late though, he was most definitely wide awake now despite the late hour. He was also distraught now wanting to be held, and even after he was calm if I made like I was going to sit him down he'd start crying again.

At this I couldn't help but sigh and smile. Despite it all, some things just never changed.

"I guess he's glued to me for now." There was an awkward vibration in the air of stillness after I laughed nervously. The clock on the wall ticked away the seconds as it drew closer to the coming hour. Xander chose then to start squirming as per his usual self, getting down and going first thing to the lower cabinets containing medical supplies. Which he was quickly taken away from before he could cause the mischief he sought.

I suddenly realized with much concern that I am going to need to get out of this place, and also there was the bill to consider.

Then the thought occurred to me with much consternation; I was in a foreign place with no money, no job, and no shelter for Xander and I. Compounding this there was also the strong likely-hood that I'd need to ask for a place to stay, and I'm sure I know where it is that I will be forced to go. Since I'm not certain when I've arrived at in the timeline, it seems like I'd need to gather some information so I could protect my interests. By interests I mean my son. 

* * *

Not much happens this chapter and it is late. Long story but basically I need to get more sleep and not be so worn out it isn't helping me think lately at all.


	3. Reason or Insanity?

Fate is Preposterous; I am Here; Hopefully Aware  
~

This is getting old, if I owned it I would be making more of it. That or it would have never been made... Ah well I made my point here I hope.

I took a brief break, and I hope this didn't bother anyone; seeing as I'm not living off of fanfiction it makes sense I have other demands in my life that other people can understand and identify with, right?

Introducing another character here, but don't worry it would be one you should know.

* * *

Things are moving so fast for me it seems, as just moments ago I was talking to the nurses about my bills and now I am here? I'm getting ahead of myself again it seems.

They were more surprised with the fact that after my second X-ray, they couldn't find the chip in my vertebrae or anything else wrong for that matter anymore. This was very confusing for me as I'd not known anything was really wrong with my back. When Minamino confirmed this oddity I was even more perplexed. How could anything have been wrong with me at all?

I felt perfectly normal, and fine. A bit sore but otherwise... the same. Right?

It was strange and kind of worrying, but why would they all lie to me? Was he lying to me as well? They had no reason to tell me any such things. None of this made any sense. Things were going too quickly for me. I wasn't used to such a dizzying speed, things used to move so slowly around me until all of this happened. The days once were so long filled with squeals of joy and frustration from Xander, the never ending tasks of household cleanliness, and the death throes of an unstable relationship; all of that was so slow compared to this.

The doctors couldn't find any reason to keep me, and I refused to stay for more tests; they would undoubtedly charge me for, or so I had thought. I felt okay, end of discussion. This was of course odd to me, but stranger still was when they never even presented me with any form of recompense for my stay there. They would dance around the subject, and even told me it was fine. One even said if I didn't stop worrying about the bill so much, she'd check me into the mental ward for an evaluation.

Needless to say I reported her threat to Minamino, who took care of the issue discretely by going to the person overseeing all of the nurses. Seems she'd been doing such things to other patients frequently and she'd been under close observation for a while before this incident. She won't be upsetting anymore patients now though.

The growing suspicions made me more concerned by the minute, and they were hiding information from me. It was also obvious that it was clearly on purpose. The whole thing stank of a certain fox, and I don't want to be indebted to him if I could avoid it. I know he likes to manipulate things to his advantage, and as it stood I was already in a tenuous situation. When I was finally let out the doors, as they could not dissuade my refusal of services. I had 'had enough' of doctors and nurses for a long time. It was time for me now to confront him, the one who'd likely have real answers on all of this nonsense.

"What are you trying to pull?" I was carrying Xander who had fallen asleep yet again, because he wore himself out running around the hospital halls earlier. He turned and looked at me with this puzzled expression that made me feel sick. Either he's trying to cover for himself, or something else is really going on here.

If I'm not in his debt though, then who's am I in now? I take such things very seriously, and it feels like I'm going to go crazy as he takes so long to speak. The blur of the day has slowed down for the evening, and I don't know if I can get used to it just yet. I think that stop sign just twitched to the left a bit as I questioned my own fear of him.

"I'm pulling nothing, but you do seem troubled?" There it is that glint in his eyes again, he's toying with me he has to be. I started to feel like I was going to throw up; why would he do this? I'm having such a hard time finding a reason for him to play with my head about something like this, but certainly he must have one he never does anything without reason. Right?

"Knock it off already, hospital bills don't just disappear unless someone pays them." I pause seeing it dawn on him what I'm talking about. Maybe I was truly mistaken? He even looked contemplative. If I was wrong about that what else could I have been wrong about?

"You're right." I had to stop walking lest I fall down. You've got to be kidding me? That is all he has to say? No ideas? Just nothing, I'm right? Ugh, I think maybe I should have stayed in the hospital now I'm starting to really feel ill. Maybe I'm coming down with something, and it's affecting my ability to think clearly. I kept walking as best I could, trying to cover for the fact that I was steadily growing more likely to vomit at any moment.

By the time Kurama noticed this, it was too late for my stomach contents unfortunately for them.

There they are on the pavement. Xander's gotten a couple of drops of it on his long-sleeved navy blue pajama top. When I notice this, I immediately wipe it off with my shirt as best I can. I don't have any other clothes for him right now, I remember. As the spots on his shirt darken I feel a little sad inside knowing I caused his only clothes to become dirty. Minamino is standing over me now, but I can't hear what he's saying. My world is spinning violently with all sorts of lights and colors.

Until it suddenly stops spinning and the visuals fade.

I'm starting to hear muffled words again. I look up at him, and I can read some of what he's saying but it makes no sense. He looks worried, but I just shake my head and look down at Xander. Good thing, he's still sleeping and safe.

I look back up at Kurama, and he shakes his head offering me a hand to get up with. I look back down at my lunch on the pavement, and smile thinking it must have been the food that didn't sit well. I feel him staring at me, as I wait for the world to come back fully. Slowly I could hear the sounds of the street around us growing less muffled. Once I can hear the occasional car passing properly I spoke, "I think maybe it would be best if someone with a sound stomach carried Xander, as much as I dislike it he'd be safer in your hands right now than mine." I see his eyes widen. I know he knows I'm afraid of him, but I really do have no other choice but to rely on him right now.

I could stand and walk now, but I know I can't safely say that I won't drop my son if that thing happens again.

I see a small smile on his face as he holds my son, and I can't help but think that I was wrong to fear him for a moment. However it dies in my mind as I realize he's holding my son, and that he's in a position where I'm vulnerable again. Of course he'd smile at that, right? I hope I'm wrong, oh do I hope I'm wrong. He chooses to speak again now, "If that is for the best, are you faring better?" He knew that I was troubled by this certainly he must know? I gulp knowing that things are going to get too complicated if I don't hide this. He mustn't suspect that I suspect him, I bite down my fears and use reason to push it away.

He wouldn't hurt without reason, right? My child has done nothing to him or anyone else, so he's safe right? I had to keep telling myself that.

"I'll be okay, but we should probably hurry before it happens again. They might make me go back in there if they saw it." He looks at me clearly thinking I should probably go back in, but I don't like hospitals; I just got away from that smell and I don't want back around it. I get up and start walking towards where we were originally headed. He seems to understand and doesn't push it, so we're walking away from the hospital and he's leading the way to a bus station. We sit for a short time, and I manage to fight back another episode of food loss for a while.

I stared at the puddle on the ground after I'd lost my inner battle.

I see Minamino's staring at me, as if unsure if he really should be letting me away from the hospital. It occurs to me that this is probably some kind of traveling illness or something like that. What if their germs do me in? I shudder at the thought that among the world filled with strong demons I could die of a simple illness. Worse yet if I were to die it would leave my son in a very bad situation. I'm not exactly very healthy, so it wouldn't take much more than a flu to do me in I think though; I have a reason to hang on, if not I probably would let it do me in. I'm just that pathetic really, and I know it.

The bus pulls up and Kurama pays our fares, just more for me to owe I grumble internally. I really need to find a job, before I can't even hope to pay any of this back. The ride is quiet, and my stomach is finally empty so I'm feeling much better at last.

That is until I got hungry. I figured I'd just keep it to myself and deal with it later, "Grrrruuuuuuuuuupe" ,my stomach went loudly. There goes trying to hide it, I thought with a massive sweat-drop.

I hear laughter and I turn looking at him realizing he's laughing at me I turn away quickly to hide my tomato of a face.

He starts laughing even harder earning heads to turn our direction, and I turn a brighter red my whole face practically lit like a red light bulb now. Great the jerk just turned me into a gawking convention. I glare pointedly at him and he just keeps laughing seemingly unaware. I take a closer look at his face the worry lines had started to sink into his forehead from some earlier time, and that makes me think maybe he needed to laugh just now. That maybe what ever it was that was worrying him so, was pushing even him to the breaking point.

"You certainly have a way with communication." He laughs lightly seeming to be unaware of the stares we'd been receiving. What is he thinking, I wonder? Moving away from him a bit I stare down at the ground. There was this intense feeling of guilt ripping through my chest as I remembered my child's father's face. There were times when he used to laugh like that and have fun with me, but that had changed after out biggest fight. I felt like it was my fault even though he'd been the one to lose his temper, and I felt like maybe if I hadn't pushed him too far he wouldn't have done that. It was in the past now, but seeing Kurama laughing just reminded me somehow of how my life had once been.

It can't be helped, if I'd have returned it would have been worse trouble than me staying here. Still I can't help but wonder... What would it of been like if we didn't fight?

There's this kind of gentleness I'd lost at least a year ago emanating off of him, but I know despite that he can shift at a moments notice. Why? I wonder. What is it that makes me so afraid of him? It can't just be because of his capabilities, or his at times cold demeanor. It most certainly isn't because he is a demon. So, what then? Is my fear from some other place in my mind or heart that just can't cope with it? I know he is trouble very much so indeed. Yet, I feel this regret somehow like I'm only hurting myself by being this way.

Oh no. He's looking at me...

What are his intentions?

He seems to be staring through me, and worse yet I can't even distract myself from it. This is not good. He sees it, and by that I mean my fear but it seems as if he sees something I can't or didn't. He is capable of that much I'm sure, but if that is the case...

Why is he smiling?

Is that a good smile or one I should be afraid of? I grew so confused I couldn't even think straight. Wait, Xander's squirming a bit, oh that's a relief; he's just getting comfy. I sigh it was soft but no doubts that Kurama Minamino had heard it, and if anything he'd smiled a little more.

Just what is he smiling about?!

I am so tired of this already, and an exhaustion washes over me as if with the waves of the Sea of Tears. How could this be, when so long ago I was once so energetic? I've lost my spark so it seems, and in so doing fallen into the abyss of misery. I can't see anymore, I must have closed my eyes.

Bump!

I was jolted, and the air around me felt so cold. I could see this white cloud in my way, almost like a wall I would never be able to break. Just then, it dawned on me as I rubbed my eyes that it was just sleep blocking my vision. Once cleared I could see Minamino was getting up with my son, and looked back at me with an almost envious look.

What was that for?

I felt it then, rather than seeing the slow draining of exhaustion rolling off of him. I don't know how I knew, but just then I felt guilty. I'd burdened him, and yet he said nothing.

What was that for indeed?

* * *

So feel free to let me know what you think, and such.

Psych. Did you really think it was over so soon? This is a good time to gather your thoughts before heading forward though.

I did kind of lay some seriousness down about her, and it will only get more complicated the deeper we dive into this rabbit's hole.

* * *

The world moves as a blur behind me. Such speed was impossible for most, but there were some I'll admit were faster than me at times.

Not that I'd ever tell them that.

I have something important to tell the fox. This thing was troubling, and worst of all happening within our new found peace. This would not stand for long if I could help it. Kurama would know what's going on. These rebellions are only getting worse, and it made sense that something must be happening over in human world as well things like this hardly happen in a vacuum.

I had no clue what I was walking into, but looking back now it makes some sense.

I arrived at his human dwelling, but no one was there. Thinking this strange I sent my energy out to look for him to find him on a bus heading my direction. Ah this was good I'd just wait for him here. I saw him get off the bus about a block away, and despite him knowing I was there he was walking. I started to get agitated until I noticed a human female, and child accompanying him. Rather, the small child was being carried but still this was beyond strange. He'd never shown an interest in such things before. Maybe this world was getting to him, or maybe something else was going on. I'll just have to wait and see. This should be interesting.

* * *

Without a warning we got off the bus. Rather he pulled me up to follow him at this stop. I didn't know what was going on, but there was an intangible feeling of something bad about to happen. What did I do now?

I felt this gravity kind of pushing me down towards the ground. I looked around noting how Kurama was looking at me with an expression of amusement. Oh great he knows what's going on does he? Well I'll figure this out on my own since he's not being helpful. That was when I spotted a black spot in a window. My eyes widen realizing he's looking right at me. Oh shit. Oh Shit. Oh shit! I glance over at my son sweat beading at my forehead and on the back of my neck. It was getting harder to stay upright, but I could tell somehow that he was testing me as this pulling sensation kept increasing on my head and neck. Just when I was about to pass out it stopped.

Suddenly he was right in front of me.

Oh and he has an indifferent expression, yet his eyes are glinting with something that I can't quite tell what it is. I suddenly felt a poke as if to say pay attention. Looking down I see to my horror there's a blade positioned right at my heart. I look back up panic in my mind that I was fighting to suppress. My legs were shaking even as I spoke, "Is this how you greet everybody?" Oh shit, I just realized it. That was the same thing he was told last time he did this in greeting to someone.

He's walking over to Kurama saying something that I don't understand. Oh great they were both looking at me. His eyes are wide for a moment after Kurama says something. Before long they return to normal only the glint is gone replaced with a dangerous curiosity.

"Okay, what's going on" ,I speak up since they're staring anyway, "and don't feed me lies." I was rubbing my elbow uncomfortably and went over to retrieve my son. I could see the looks on their faces was somewhere between concern and concealment. I held my arms out to Kurama an obvious motion for my child's return. He seemed almost hesitant but did so. Hiei was loudly discussing something with Kurama, and yet again I had little clue what they were actually saying. I did catch a few 'On'nas' and 'Yōjis' so I knew they must have been arguing over something related to us. What Kurama did next though scared me deeply.

"Why don't you just talk to them yourself? They speak an English tongue after all." I could just see Hiei's eyes flit over in my direction with an accusatory look. At this I couldn't help but glare at Kurama, as he put me in the line of fire literally and figuratively in the line of fire. Well as much as I'm afraid of Kurama, you'd probably think me even more terrified of Hiei right? Eh it depends, but right now I am not happy about being on his contempt list.

"Um?" ,I was uneasy for sure; holding my child snugly to my chest, both in protection and some small comfort. I couldn't really think of anything to say as I had no idea what was really going on right now.

I took a few moments to think, obviously annoying the person I was attempting to communicate with. Then it dawned on me what to say, "Hello my name is Lapelta, Emily. Millie is shorter though and I like it better anyway. This is my son Xander, and before you scoff at me; I'd like to say it is polite to introduce whether you know the other's name or not." I felt like there was a pain in the back of my skull after that which I rubbed. I could see him smirking at me and Kurama was trying to stifle a laugh.

I couldn't really help it then, and snapped at him even though I knew better than to poke sleeping tigers...

"Oh for fuck's sake really? You can't just talk to me? Instead, you go poking around where you don't belong!" I don't know where this anger came from, but I was having a hard time restraining it, let alone containing it. Just when I think I've about got it under control it flares up again. Hiei's eyes are hardened like he's seen something, oh gods not that I hope he didn't see that. I suddenly felt very exposed, I could see in his eyes that he knew the one thing I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd been hiding it for so long. I'd forgotten how much it had hurt in the first place.

Hiei motions for Kurama to retrieve Xander, and knowing it would be best that I not argue right now I hand him over eyes down cast. I could see Kurama's questioning gaze, but I avoided it; I didn't want him to know just what it was that sat within my memories haunting my very soul. I had tried to forget it altogether, but with being mind probed comes certain disadvantages it would seem. He'd gone into my maze of a brain finding the only door I kept locked and broke it down. I felt it flooding back to me that night, the pain, the betrayal, and guilt.

He walks over to me, and Kurama walks a few steps away.

He lifts up the lower part of my shirt as I flinch. Great now they can see just what I hide. The scar formed a line across my lower abdomen. There was a pale pink tinge to it, and it was jagged around the edges. I could hear Kurama wince, and Hiei said nothing covering it back up.

He walked away from me while saying, "I hope you learned something from your mistakes." I was frozen in place not only by what he'd said, but that he'd understood just how I'd felt about the matter. Had he talked to Kurama about it just now, I would have probably collapsed to the ground and wept. It would have made me relive it again and again, and it always tore me apart to think about it even in passing.

Certainly this would be a disaster in the making for me. Or at least that's what I thought.

You see, for me this thing wasn't just an injury. It came with a certain price as well as the memory surrounding it. There is a reason I treasure Xander so. He is a child from a happy love, but as I no longer have this happiness, and he is what's left of those times. I don't deserve him, and yet I can't imagine being without him. This injury reminds me of just how close he came to losing his mother, and of what was lost when I received it. I lost love for his father that day, and I can never get that back.

It is one thing for someone to accidentally hurt you, but another entirely to ignore your pleas to stop and purposefully hurt you.

The worst thing however is that it wasn't a person I knew little of, but came to realize I didn't truly know at all like I once had. It is one thing to be hurt by someone you can't say you ever knew, but that is separate from the betrayal of a lover; one you held in close confidence, did things you'd never do for just anyone, and held respect for.

Now though, that was gone.

It was like a firefly. One moment shining, the next dead.

Yet I had stayed in that dead thing, for my son. So when Hiei'd said to learn from it, he'd must have meant not to let it happen again, or at least that was how I'd taken it; but it is hard to understand what he's thinking as he is a walking duality.

I walked following Kurama holding Xander now, unsure when I'd gotten him back; it was all in a semiconscious state of being that I had done these things. As I remembered while I walked, I grew numb. Distant from myself and all around me. We arrived at the apartment room, thereby I learned he wasn't still living with his mother; it was an insight I barely noticed however, as my world had gone grey sometime while going up the stairs.

That was when he spoke, "Kurama, you may want to give her a sedative, or something before she completely loses herself." I looked up at him from the lower ground upon which I stood, it had been enough shock to put my senses back. I felt guilty suddenly, and it was because I was so wrapped up in my own problems I failed to see what was around me. I mean here I am, in a place with characters I'd never thought I'd meet, and I was boohooing over something relatively insignificant to what was around me? That thing that happened to me happens to others, and unlike me they didn't survive.

It then occurred to me that I was better off now than I was, and that I should be happy for that.

Yet, a part of me longed for the love I'd once shared with another individual. Our love had turned to hate, then loathing, and finally indifference; the last thing I'd need to do was accept that we'd broken, and move forward. So, how was I supposed to do that? Even after accepting this loss, and knowing I had my child; there was a tinging in my heart, a loneliness that rang like a bell louder and louder. Until its ringing consumed my chest with the rhythm of the heart's beat itself.

I wanted a crutch then, something to take away the relentless ringing; a thing to make me feel whole once more.

I just stood there frozen before these two men, who one knew what exactly I was feeling, and the other could only guess; I stared at them. I really couldn't help myself, and I know now I was making a fool of myself, but I didn't care then. I wasn't alone in this room, and I'd wanted some kind of relief even if brief.

Hiei scoffed. I knew he'd know, and somehow I smiled just thinking how right he was to do so.

It was all I'd really needed then, and he'd realized after; why I'd smiled at him. As it dawned on him, his eyes widened; after all how could he have known that all I'd needed then was a certain understanding. His scoff had meant to me something other than a dismissal of my feelings; it had rather meant to me that he felt like I was being stupid, but in his own way he'd validated the feelings I'd had even while pointing out their meaninglessness. To me that alone was just enough relief to help me cope with my feelings, while still carrying their burden.

Kurama looked off to the side I saw. I had to admit I was curious as to what he was thinking, but then my thoughts turned to an insane paranoia. Thinking such things as how he could do me in and that he was imagining how he'd do it. Hiei'd raised an eyebrow in my direction wondering where I'd gotten such an image in my head. He looked at Kurama, I could see the concern there it was apparent. When I smiled about how he'd shown such concern, I swear I saw something dangerous there; until that is I realized why he'd been looking at me so.

He thought me a threat, and with just how puny I was I couldn't help but laugh at this; Kurama looked my way then shock on his face, and seeing Hiei's equally shocked expression he came to look even more puzzled. All of this just made me laugh harder, and I think they honestly thought I'd gone looney. I unable to stop laughing just pointed at Hiei then pointed at my head. He grew serious then.

"Girl how do you know these things?" Hiei'd spoken up tired of my foolishness it would seem. As I slowly came out of my delirium I held my index finger up to indicate to 'wait a moment'. Once I'd grown capable of breathing normally I felt it was time to explain.

"You've been in my head shouldn't you already know that?" There was a certain blush across my cheeks, and he smirked. Kurama looked put out then, and when I tried to figure out why I only grew very confused.

"Yes, but it is possible for persons to manipulate their thoughts to misinform intruders." I was shocked, to me this was a considerable overrating of my capabilities, however indirectly it was made by Hiei; it was still made by him nonetheless and to me quite startling. Feeling like I was insignificant I could sense a shift in the air in front of me though I didn't look, but I did speak despite the oppressing feel of it.

"I'm not someone able to do that sort of thing, and I'm sure you know this." At this he was instantly in my space, and carrying an ominous look about him.

"I think you are someone who is able to do things, but you lack the will presently. In the future, I see this changing. " I stepped backwards, my face a facet of surprise; tripped, and fell over someone's shoes; this was then followed by Xander whimpering, because he'd been disturbed from the jolting sensation.

"Shhh, it's okay Xander. You're okay. Go back to sleep." I rocked him gently in a side to side fashion, and I tried very hard to ignore the looks the two men before me were giving me.

I mean it, I tried. However it is probable anyone would have a difficult time ignoring Hiei and Kurama both looking at Xander with the gentlest of expressions. Oh by the way, it was hard to tell who they're looking at from the corner of my eyes; apparently it was my son to which I was glad. I'd rather know he wasn't looked down on, for his youthful nature than to think they were looking at me in such a way. Little did I know however, that they weren't just looking at him, but had been looking at me in such manner as well; it was just out of my scope of knowledge at that time.

To know, that I would later find out something such as that from them; is still a strange feeling. Even now it is strange to me.

Ah right back on the point, I was sitting there with a once more sleeping child; they were standing, and there was this long awkward silence. I tried to get up, and when one of them moved in to help I shook my head and said, "I would accept your help, but it'd only wake him." the hand was retracted. I got one foot planted, knee bent, and then I brought the other leg up whilst straightening out my bent leg. If this sounds weird don't worry it's just how I got up. I kept my balance carefully adjusting for Xander's weight. There was this stillness like if one person moved it would shatter, and yet it wasn't an easy moment for me. "Is it alright if I lay him on the couch?" I asked Minamino somehow feeling less weighted and freer.

"I suppose, but put him closer to the back cushions so he won't fall off." I nodded and laid him down. Once he'd settled into a comfortable position, I turned and looked at the two men currently in front of me.

I walked over to them despite the fear drumming against my breastbone, and with much difficulty I directed a glare at Hiei, "Stay out of my head, I don't care what you think about me; my head is my only sanctuary from the world, and you don't need to be in there poking it with a stick!" I kept my volume down in respect for my child's rest, but my tone was as serious as it was quiet.

Kurama chose then to ask the question that must have been burning his brain for some time then, "How did you get that scar, if you would let me in on what Hiei knows?" He looked at his friend then and I swore I saw a discontent there. Must have been that Hiei'd been less than forthcoming about my personal information, for that I was grateful.

"I got it from Xander's father, and I don't want to speak of it anymore." I turned away from them and made to walk over to my son, but was stopped when a powerful grip was around my wrist just then. I looked back to see that I was staring into a very concerned face from Minamino. I could see it in his eyes, it looked like pity and tasted like pity as I felt the air around me change again.

"I didn't ask who gave it to you, I asked how." There the pain was again rising from the center of my chest and shifting to just below my heart, and I think I may have sobbed just then. My body became leaden and I fell to the floor. The last thing I remembered seeing then were his wide almost frightened looking eyes.

I guess it manifested into a physical ailment the pain of my despair. When I woke next on his couch, Xander was poking me. Well that's one way to get me awake, but I really felt like I could use another hour or two of sleep. Oh what I would give to sleep a little more.

"Get up, and take care of your son." I looked up surprised to see that Hiei was still here and figured I mustn't have been out too long. That was until I saw the sun setting and my only thoughts were of the oh crap variety. "Get up we're not your personal babysitters, and even though he won't complain I will. Someone has to keep an eye out for him if he won't."

"What if you can tell me, is going on? Besides Xander being a handful, is there something wrong?" I don't know why I was so concerned, but I knew somehow it may just explain something to me if I knew just a bit more.

"It is his business to discuss, and you'd know better than to ask something relayed in confidence; unless you wish me to share the details of your life to him as well?" I sighed I just knew he'd say something like that.

"No, you're right. It's just he's so..." ,I paused having a hard time putting my finger on just why he was making me worry looking down at the floor as if it could answer me, "I can't describe it fully really, but I get this feeling off him that tells me to stay far far away. Yet, there are also times where I feel this almost safeness around him. I get so confused by this, and I just thought maybe you could give me some perspective was all." I looked back up at Hiei, to see this distant look in his eyes that was generally telling of deep thought; waiting until he noticed my glance to speak again, I concluded, "I'm not asking for details that would breach his confidence in you, but I might lose my mind without some kind of clarity. You've been in there remember, I know you know that I'm telling the truth. I don't think anyone can fake the flaws in my mind."

He looked as if thoughtful and agitated at the same instant.

"I have seen those fractures in your mind, and there do seem to be new ones forming around him..." He had a serious regarding expression directed at me just then, and I knew somehow that he'd keep me from shattering if he could that is. "It does make some sense not to leave you completely in the dark. Maybe we could even make some use of you. If what I was told about you is true, any demon could steal your son and you; and make a legal meal of you." He paused to regard my reaction, and I was frozen stiff; a fear I hadn't realized before washing over my mind numbing it slowly. "If that's too much for you, you couldn't handle if I told you what exactly Kurama's dealing with presently. Just know that it's worse than your problems;to say more is up to him now." He walked away leaving the room, as I reverberated with the implications of his statements.

My son's in danger, and so am I?

Kurama Minamino is dealing with worse than I? How?

This swirling dance of chaos and fear reached a pinnacle in my mind when Kurama entered the room slamming the door behind him. I would have flinched, if it hadn't been for how I was paralyzed with fright. His footfalls were loud on the floors, and everything seemed to slow down. I turned then slowly to face him, and if my fear wasn't tangible before; it was now. He had a harsh look about him, and his hair seemed in some disarray; the grizzled look in his eyes pushed my fears away, forming into a taste of worry tinged in guilt.

For a moment, it was as if my fears had disappeared; as I saw not Kurama Minamino the danger, but rather Kurama Minamino the person. It was as if seeing him for the first time really, and the burden he was carrying seemed to great for any one person to hold in their entire lifetime. Yet I knew somehow if I were to say anything it could be irreversibly damaging, and yet I thought of if I said nothing could be just so much worse.

The truly worrying thing wasn't whether to speak, but what to say? I could see he wasn't handling what ever it was well, and some part of me couldn't just let him suffer; even if he was the person I feared most; it just didn't feel right to me. I for the longest time thought on what to say. When I could come up with nothing to say I wondered on if there was anything I could do, and after careful consideration I came to one end thought; If I were to just smile for him maybe it would improve his day or that it would at least be an effort to help.

I made sure Xander wasn't getting into trouble, and walked over to Minamino. In doing so I'd certainly gotten his attention as I had not done so before freely, and his harsh gaze was now directed at me. I almost froze, but with what little courage I had I kept walking until I was right in front of him. I was shaking literally and figuratively but I didn't stop walking. Sure I had every reason to, and I kind of wanted to; after all it wasn't my business, but I made up my mind to do something. Once I was an arms breadth away from him I took a moment to breathe and simply smiled.

I know it is a small thing for some, but for others it can make a world of difference. I can't know if it helped or not in the large scheme of things, but I do know; when I saw some of the fatigue lift from his face that alone was enough for me. Maybe I could be helpful in some way, even if I am afraid there are things more important than to let fear cripple me.

It was like a new awakening for me one where I could finally see something worth struggling for. Maybe it wasn't too late for a change in me after all.

* * *

That seemed like a good place to leave off at, and any comments are welcome. Seriously I keep my filter off for a reason folks, cursing is an expressive form of communication that does good not just bad.

So if you want to curse like a sailor for me taking so long to get this out, by all means go ahead and do so. If you felt something, anything then say so. That is why I write to convey emotion.

Look forward to the next chapter as I'm planning something big, and if anyone can guess what I'm planning... I might just make a shout out for you.

This was exceedingly overdue, but that's what happens when life takes a switch to your back repeatedly.

* * *

Seriously? No one wants to take a shot in the dark as to what I'm planning? Am I really that hard to predict?

Okay I'll give you all a big hint. Next chapter will involve: Shiori Hatanaka, Yusuke Urameshi, Koenma (what's his last name again?), and That old guy I made in the first chapter that I forgot the name of hehe...


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